The diagnosis of cancer left him reeling and disoriented. He stopped at the store and spaced out… staring… in front of the dairy section. So what does this mean? Do I buy a pint… or a gallon?

     I remember well the surreal spinning of my world after the diagnosis of cancer. There is so much that is unknown and there are so many ramifications… immediate and long-term, vital and not so vital. There is so much information and so many emotions that you need to process. And your loved ones have to process it. And everyone is watching you process it.
     Ultimately, it is you that must choose your path. You have permission to feel anything you want to feel. Anything you need to feel. Cycle through the five stages of grief if it helps: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But cycle, and process, and choose your path. Inform yourself. Take care of yourself. Commit to yourself. Do not give up on yourself. Choose a path that honors you.
     Five years ago, I had Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. Pre-cancer really, but I had a mastectomy to be cautious. I now have Stage IV breast cancer that has metastasized throughout my spine. They say that it is incurable and that it will kill me but that they can buy me some time. The truth is… they don’t know, nobody knows. There are many people who beat the odds they were given simply because they refused to accept the odds and took action. Since I am the single mother of a 20-year-old manling, I have chosen to throw everything I can at defeating it or buying as much time as I can. I’m buying the gallon, not the pint.
     I have chosen to fight. I have chosen to be the author of my destiny. I am employing both naturopathic protocol and toxic modern medicine. I am undergoing radiation to shrink existing tumors and chemotherapy to stop the advance of new growth. I am cleansing my body of toxins and providing it with nutrients and anti-cancer remedies from cultures around the world to change the bioterrain that allowed cancer to thrive. I am choosing to look at cancer as a gift and exploring my emotional landscape for opportunities to grow and cleanse my mind and soul. The healthier my emotions are, the better equipped to fight and win my body will be and the less likely cancer will return. And I will show my son what it means to not give up on myself. That is the path that I have chosen for myself. Because I know that if I don’t choose that path, there is no chance of winning. And I will win.

     While shopping in a consignment store near the hospital, a woman in a turban was trying on some white pants that she liked. “You know the rule about white pants after Labor Day, don’t you?” her friend commented. “Yeah, well, I’m into breaking rules right now,” she replied.
     A second friend entered the store and joined them. “There is nothing but snow and mud back home!” she exclaimed. “Why on earth would you be trying on white pants?” “Because,” she avowed firmly and testily. “I will wear them next SPRING!” Buying those pants was a symbol of hope... a way of thumbing her nose at the prognosis. I completely understood. She was buying the gallon.
     She stood at the cash register, white pants firmly in hand. She fidgeted nervously, still upset at her friends who obviously doubted that she would beat this thing.
     “I floss my teeth,” I offered.
     “Excuse me?” she said, puzzled.
     “And I use wrinkle cream. These are my affirmations that I will be around long enough to be happy I did these things.” She hugged me gratefully. And, I returned it. A nice, long hug.

Kaiulani Facciani is a cancer survivor and current warrior who shares her insights and valuable information on beating cancer to support others in their battles through her writings at www.makesyoustrong.com.